I'm okay, You're okay

Been awhile since I updated.  Things are crazy over here.  I'm in school full time.  Matthew is in school full time.  (Hey, don't underestimate - first grade is no punk!)  Darrell is remodeling the house in preparation for our little Gracie Ruth.  And life doesn't slow down for you - even when you need it most.

So, the updates are as follows:

1. September 12th - Got the amnio results - Gracie is good to go.  No chormosonal abnormalities - YAY!
2. September 22nd - Got a new doctor that is not related to a rattlesnake
3. October 6th - Took Mom with me for the 20 week ultrasound.  Gracie yawned at us and peeked at us through her legs!  She's a real character.  Such a personality already.
4. October 19th - Went to the maternal fetal specialist for a routine anatomy exam.  It didn't turn out to be so routine.  We found out that our little girl has a hole in her heart.  It's a 2mm gap called VDS.  The doctor told us that there was a possibility that it could close up on its own and not to worry just yet.  However, I have another appointment to see her for a follow up in 5 weeks.
5. Same day - As I was leaving the doctor's office, I went to make a pit stop in the little girls room and there was blood.  There was a lot of blood.  I ran to Darrell and told him that something was wrong.  We went back to the doctor's office and she did an exam and said that she didn't see any active bleeding but if I started to cramp or bleed more heavily, to go straight to L&D (Labor and Delivery).  Sigh.
6. October 20th - There was still some bleeding.  My Ob. Gyn. put me on bedrest for the weekend.  Awesome.  (Not)
7. October 21st - Went to see my cardiologist.  All looks acceptable.  He wants me to come back on November 11th for an ultrasound of my heart to make sure I am not having heart failure again.  I am a lot more nervous than I am letting Darrell know.

Okay, so that's pretty much all the updates so far.  Gracie is kicking the you-know-what out of me now.  She's VERY active.  Which is uncomfortable but makes me happy to know that she's there.

This child has been through so much and she isn't even born yet.  She has survived where 4 of her siblings did not.  She has hung in there through all of the scares and the insistence of Dr. Rattlesnake that I should go ahead and get "used to the idea that this baby will not thrive."  She has shown same Dr. Rattlesnake that she can spout "1 in 5 chance of having Down's" and "these are the worst numbers we have ever seen in this office" that she is better than a percentage.  And now she is thriving even though she has a congenital heart defect.  She just never gives up.  It's like she wants to prove to all the nay sayers that not only are they wrong, but they are BIG TIME wrong.

I LOVE that about her!  I hope she is always like that.  I hope she always finds her own path and takes it no matter what anyone says.  I hope she always remembers that just because someone says something or tells her she can't, they don't know HER and she should try anyway. 

I see how other girls act and I hope that Gracie doesn't get caught up in "her"self.  I hope she can always see the big picture and see outside of herself.  I hope she will always be cognizant of the fact that her problems are so small compared to the rest of the world.  I hope if her problems turn out to be larger than most of the rest of the world, that she understands that this is just a passing phase and she doesn't dwell on them but instead goes about making plans for when things get better again - because she is teaching me that a little at a time - no matter how bad things appear to be, no matter how bleak the future looks; everything can change in one moment and don't ever give up.  I hope that she DOES see how big the world is though and she sets about on a journey to take it over.  I hope, just as she is doing before she is even born, that she keeps going long after anyone thinks she can.

I cannot even describe in human words the respect and admiration I have for my daughter already.