If I were a betting Mom...

Got our first trimester screening results back.  They included a blood test, a nuchal translucency ultrasound and my age and weight (both more than they should be to begin with!).

After all of that number crunching and measurement taking...my odds are:

1 in 5 of having a baby with Down's Syndrome.

I am a little numb.  I am a little anxious.  I am deeply depressed.

This Wednesday, August 17th, we are going to a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist and they are going to be doing a Level II ultrasound.  Hopefully, they will be able to verify one way or the other.  Otherwise, I will have to go for an Amnio in a few short weeks and then wait the additional two weeks to get the test results back.  I guess we will just go from there after that.

I'm worried about a lot of things.  Obviously, I don't want my unborn child to have birth defects.  I want my child to be perfect and to come into this world with every possible benefit that it can have.

I'm also worried about the family that I already have.  What is my son going to think?  Will he be embarassed?  Will my husband's first children (who are now teenagers) not love the baby as much?  Will THEY be embarassed?  Will my husband be embarassed?  Will everyone blame me for this?  Hell, will I blame myself?  Do you have guilt about something like this?

So many questions...so few answers.  I don't know what is worse than waiting.

In the meantime, I sent my husband a text message.  It simply said, "I am really feeling blue today."

He wrote back, "Don't worry about this.  This is OUR little miracle that God sent to US to take care of.  No matter what happens. I love that baby already.  This will work itself out."

I wish I was as brave as he is.  I just feel really small and fragile and sad and afraid right now.

Hamburgers and Hot Dogs

You may think this is a pregnant post about food cravings...but oh no, no, no.  You would be wrong!

We had our 12 week ultrasound yesterday and lo and behold...the baby positioned itself just so and I *think* I can tell if it's a boy or a girl.

But I will let you be the judge.

What do you see?  A hot dog or a hamburger???